Its been a week since I moved into my new apartment and I have begun to notice the flaws, which were not apparent on first inspection.The bathroom is so tiny that my towel manages to rub me down even before I am done with the bath.My bathing soap sits precariously close to the detergent bar, so each day I am in constant danger of mistaking my Cinthol for my Rin bar.Apart from these dangers, the Domex bottle ,the bucket and the mug are locked in a battle to bump into me everytime i pay the bathroom a visit.
The room's plumbing system deserves mention in the Believe It or Not.The washbasin located in the hall discharges right into the bathroom which renders it practically useless,unless you are ok with a messy bathroom. Absence of a washbasin makes it particulary painful to shave as I have to balance a mug of water and my shaving stick with one had while the other hand uses the razor to scrape my face clean.
My room is on the topmost floor , above which is the terrace, in which a dog resides.This unexpected neighbour has already managed to chew the shoe of my roommate.
The mosquitoes here seem to have evolved into some super race.No mat,liquid or coil works with them and quite often they have made me wake up in the middle of the night,forcing me to read Hillary Clinton's Living History to put me back to sleep.
There are no hangouts nearby, the nearest Cafe Coffee Day being some 10 kms away.During the weekend exploration I located a mini market nearby, which was a relief as I was already reeling from the number of trips to civilization, that I had to make, to get my necessities.
All in all this place is so yawn.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Clearing Out
Finally the day arrived when I had to clear out of my house.I managed to stuff my worldly possessions into two large suitcases and one large cardboard carton.It reminded me of my college days when I had to move from hostel to hostel.
While cleaning up i found a gold coloured coin with 1 rupee engraved on it.Looked like srilankan currency to me.
By the time we guys were done with the packing the house looked like it was struck by a hurricane.I was too sick too feel sad but the house maid did shed a few tears.
Before leaving we handed over the keys to Mr Chidambaram.He made me sign a document in which one line read something like this "The dust particles left behind in the house are useless and can be disposed off by the owner"
While cleaning up i found a gold coloured coin with 1 rupee engraved on it.Looked like srilankan currency to me.
By the time we guys were done with the packing the house looked like it was struck by a hurricane.I was too sick too feel sad but the house maid did shed a few tears.
Before leaving we handed over the keys to Mr Chidambaram.He made me sign a document in which one line read something like this "The dust particles left behind in the house are useless and can be disposed off by the owner"
Fun and games with Mr Chidambaram
Mr Chidambaram is my ex real estate agent,and i hate him from the bottom of my heart.Middle aged,short, with the few remaining strands of hair plastered on his head,he reminds me of the fairy tale character Rumpelstiltskin.He operates from a 15X10 feet office,which manages to accomodate him and his fairly obese secretary.I unfortunately have had to meet him on the first of every month to hand over the room rent.
He is the type of boss you would hate to work for.I hardly understand tamil but I think he addresses his secretary with"Get me the file u cow!".The secretary responds with a moan which sounds like cross between a meow and a moo..mooew.She generally takes her own sweet time till Rumple erupts with "Why dont u ever hurry up".. "Why do i ever tolerate you".They work 14 hours a day and even on weeekends. And it is fair to assume that this kind of exchange goes on throughout those 14 hours.And i thought my job sucked!!
I had to make an additional trip to his office this month to discuss about vacating the house.He brought out my 10 Kg file and pulled out the rent agreement I had signed some 2.5 years back.He pointed out a clause written in microprint "Tenant must submit all the electricity bills for the duration of the stay else get a no dues certificate from the electricity board".
Obviously I was shell shocked and no amount of pleading would work with him.On rummagging through my house all i could locate were 8 electricity bills.
The logical step now was to contact the electricity board.According to the electricity board only the Assistant Engineer was authorised to come out with any kind of certificate.Following is the sequence of events at the EB office
Day1:AE gone for training
Day2:AE gone for inspection
Day3:AE gone for training
Day4:AE gone on Pongal vacation,Please come after a week
When the D day arrived me and my roomie Sanal finally met the elusive AE.By the time we had finished explaining our case to the AE he flew into a terrible rage for reasons unknown.It is strange but when I am being yelled at,time suddenly stands still and everything seems to move in slow motion.I could see his face contorting with hate, the leathery skin on his jowls straining with exertion,his nostrils flaring like a dragon while his mouth spewed venom on us.After his onslaught subsided, me and Sanal made our way out of there quickly.Another minute there and I think he would have sodomised us right in front of his staff.
Finally, with hardly any bills and no no dues certificate we decided to pay the penalty....i feel so suckered.
He is the type of boss you would hate to work for.I hardly understand tamil but I think he addresses his secretary with"Get me the file u cow!".The secretary responds with a moan which sounds like cross between a meow and a moo..mooew.She generally takes her own sweet time till Rumple erupts with "Why dont u ever hurry up".. "Why do i ever tolerate you".They work 14 hours a day and even on weeekends. And it is fair to assume that this kind of exchange goes on throughout those 14 hours.And i thought my job sucked!!
I had to make an additional trip to his office this month to discuss about vacating the house.He brought out my 10 Kg file and pulled out the rent agreement I had signed some 2.5 years back.He pointed out a clause written in microprint "Tenant must submit all the electricity bills for the duration of the stay else get a no dues certificate from the electricity board".
Obviously I was shell shocked and no amount of pleading would work with him.On rummagging through my house all i could locate were 8 electricity bills.
The logical step now was to contact the electricity board.According to the electricity board only the Assistant Engineer was authorised to come out with any kind of certificate.Following is the sequence of events at the EB office
Day1:AE gone for training
Day2:AE gone for inspection
Day3:AE gone for training
Day4:AE gone on Pongal vacation,Please come after a week
When the D day arrived me and my roomie Sanal finally met the elusive AE.By the time we had finished explaining our case to the AE he flew into a terrible rage for reasons unknown.It is strange but when I am being yelled at,time suddenly stands still and everything seems to move in slow motion.I could see his face contorting with hate, the leathery skin on his jowls straining with exertion,his nostrils flaring like a dragon while his mouth spewed venom on us.After his onslaught subsided, me and Sanal made our way out of there quickly.Another minute there and I think he would have sodomised us right in front of his staff.
Finally, with hardly any bills and no no dues certificate we decided to pay the penalty....i feel so suckered.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Guru
The socialist bug has bitten the Tamil Nadu government.It believes that upliftment of the masses is possible only when there is equal opportunity to watch tributes to the cinematic movement like Vivah,Sauten,C u at 9 etc in the comfort of a multiplex.Hence all cinema houses are supposed to reserve 10% of their tickets at Rs 10.So a ticket in Satyam multiplex which costs upwards of Rs 150 is now available for a pittance.As I consider myself a member of the deprived classes I made a beeline for the multiplex on Thursday night.I half expected a queue of 100,000 at the 10 rupee ticket counter but was surprised to find that there was practically no queue.Either the Satyam guys did a good job of hiding that counter at a nondescript part of the theatre or the movie sucked.I feared the latter.
The first three rows of the hall make up the 10 buck seat quota.I seated myself in a position so that i would not end up doing permanent damage to my neck.Sitting at such proximity to the screen is a completely different experience.Aishwary's ample cleavage which would have been titillating say if i were seated at the last row,now looked like two brown boulders competing to cover the entrance to a cave. Also I couldn't help being distracted by the prop who kept adjusting his fake moustache when Guru throws a party or noticing the vest worn by Abhishek to give the appearance of a thickset man.And I couldn't help wince when Abhishek's paralysed lip fell perfectly into place while talking.
If Guru is supposed to be the defining role in Abhishek's career I have my doubts.There seems no consistent theme to the storyline Is it a battle between two equals ,Madhavan and Abhishek? or is it the story of a man who beat all odds to rise through poverty or is it the story of a gutsy husband and wife couple.Moreover Guru's supposedly emotion inducing speech justifying being corrupt just because he rose through poverty, just makes no sense.
And one more doubt , why didn't they name the movie Dhiru if it is supposed to be based on Dhirubhai Ambani's life?Dhiru sounds uncool?
All in all a good return on investment considering the pittance i shelled out for the ticket,even less than my parking ticket :D
Ted Bundy
I have a morbid fascination for serial killers ,murderers,gangsters and assorted antisocials.When it comes to serial killers Ted Bundy stands head and shoulders above the rest.... probably because he kept the severed heads of his victims as trophies in his room.His final head count remains uncertain to this day, estimates range from 38 to 380.Ted Bundy generally preferred females in the age group of 17-24.His modus operandi was simple.As a young articulate handsome man he roused the sympathy of his victims by pretending to be injured and asking them for assistance.When the unsuspecting victim would be busy helping him he would clobber them on their head.He would then dump their bodies in his favourite haunt on a mountain and return later to violate their dead and putrefying corpses.He twice managed to escape from jail and each time returned to his vicious ways with a rampage.
While psychologists believe that a failed relationship during his youth could have triggered his tryst with insanity,Bundy himself lays the blame on hardcore porn.
It is when Bundy looks like the way he does,that you begin to wonder about the people near you.Is my dim witted manager a Ted Bundy?Are the bodies of those software engineers who quit the company recently lying in his basement?Am i a Ted Bundy?When i was a kid,did those pictures of Urmila frolicking in a baniyan in Rangeela (never knew girls wore banianys till i saw Rangeela) let loose the animal within me?
OK,me gotta go now..gotta bake that plumber I slayed today morning..yumm
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