Lisa Nowak and Astro Diapers

Read this article a long time back and had meant to blog on it.Found time only now.

So this American astronaut drove nearly 900 miles to pepper spray the girlfriend of her former love interest.Weren't astronauts supposed to be bright?At least Jeanie in 'I Dream of Jeanie' used to think so.I am beginning to think otherwise.Did she really have to drive? Couldn't she have just flown down?Or why the need for a physical presence when she could have just called up, if all she wanted to do was to just give her a little scare.It worries me that these specimen are the brightest that human kind could offer after so many years of evolution

Another interesting point is that she she wore special NASA diapers for the journey.I was a bit surprised to know that NASA actually made such things.I wonder what these NASA diapers are like? Can these astros fly back and forth to the moon without a nappy change?More importantly, was Neil Armstrong wearing a diaper when he landed on the moon?It kind of makes the whole landing on the moon stuff so off putting.Kind of like coming to know that your stern looking manager wears floral underwear.(The manager being male of course)

I hear that the Chinese are planning to land one of their own on the moon.I bet there is a Chinese astronaut praying somewhere that unlike most goods Chinese this diaper does actually undergo a quality control test.

My World This Week

The last few days have been pretty eventful and heavy on the wallet. Last Thursday the silencer of my bike broke off from my bike somewhere on the route between the office and my home. That I realized it only much later, speaks volumes of my observation skills. Now your silencer breaking off does not disfigure your bike too much and it adds a very masculine vroom when you raise the throttle. However I thought it would be prudent to get it replaced soon. Unfortunately bajaj does not think that a silencer falling off is a common occurrence and I had to wait until the next Monday for the spares to come.

I had a treat to attend on Sunday evening. This place is called Rainforest. It is designed to resemble a rainforest. You are served on tables placed in cave like structures with a few fake animals surrounding them. There is even a very bored dude dressed like a chimp to keep the kids entertained. There is practically no lighting and the place is very cramped so you got to be careful that crumbs from your meal don’t fall into your neighbor’s plate. Picture the chicken lollipop from your plate landing into the curd rice of your neighboring Tam Brahmin’s plate and the resounding slap it would invite.

Well treat done, and its time to make a move and I discover that my helmet is missing. We hunted for half an hour with no success. I didn’t want to give up and finally my friends had to drag me out. You become kind of attached to your helmet when it costs 800 bucks.

The worst was yet to come. My bike broke down while returning home and I was stranded in the middle of nowhere at 12’o clock in the night. I finally spent the night with a friend who lived near enough to pick me up.

Monday-bike serviced and helmet bought-3000 bucks in all. Wednesday had to send an international courier-1000 bucks. On Thursday morning received a distress call from a friend. He had fallen down and had cut his tongue and chin. Had to drive 10 km in the rain while getting to his place and yet again when coming back home. Left with a cold now ACHTOOOOOOOOO :-)

Sarah

A poem which never fails to haunt..thought I should share it with you all.

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my Mommy
Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all,
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long.

When I awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.

When my Mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall

I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.

He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me.

Adopt Kittens!

Found this lovely site while browsing today

Realizing a childhood dream

Finally got down to cleaning up my desk. I have always struggled to maintain a clear desk ever since I had one of my own. Sis and me got one each when we were kiddos and both tables existed in a remarkably similar state of untidiness as long as they were with us. Buried under clutter, they were consigned to never see the light of day again before they were rescued every month or so when my exasperated mum took us siblings to task. They probably went to better owners when we had to get rid of them when we moved out of Raipur.
During my years at Engg college each hostelite got a desk of his own. These were handed down over the generations and the engravings in them could speak a million words if given a chance. They ranged from pearls of wisdom like 'I can't C' to anatomically impossible sketches of Shakeela. Unfortunately here too I could not make any progress in having a clean desk. If I were to construct a graph of the level of tidiness of my desk it would reveal an alarming dip during my years at college.
Now I think I have found the solution to this vexing problem.I have decided to have a 'clear desk policy'(borrowed from office lexicon).I have decided to keep my desk clear except for a few articles. The laptop gets pride of place and along with it are the laughing Buddha I picked from Singapore, a bottle of WaterBury’s Compound, my wallet, my watch and a box for miscellaneous items like the scissor and the nail cutter .I hope the status remains unchanged at least for a week;)

I find this fwd so funny :)

a girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle)
> >>Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
> >>
> >>Guy: No this is fun.
> >>
> >>Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
> >>
> >>Guy: Then tell me you love me.
> >>
> >>Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
> >>
> >>Guy: Now give me a BIG hug. (Girl hugs him)
> >>
> >>Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on? Its bugging me.
> >>
> >>In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building
> >>because
> >>of break failure. Two people were on the motorcycle, but only one
> >>survived.
> >>The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks
> >>broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say
> >>she
> >>loved him, felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so she
> >>would live even though it meant he would die.
> >>send this
> >>to 15 people in the next 10 minutes and the person you love the most will
> >>realise

A change in layout inspired by blackle-the greener google; and plus it helps that i never liked the orange, green layout.

May my armchair activism save a few microwatts of energy...

So these energy saving rules make the following fellow bloggers the biggest polluters.
Kandy, Ajith,Sajiv,Vinay

Intermediate polluter: Hitchhiker

And surprise surprise. The greenest blogger of all is our very own chain smoking Dutta

PS:I really tried hard to put a title to this post,but blogger just wouldn't let me.

Web Browser

Folks,try out the Safari web browser from Apple.Its awssuuum :)

Rains!!

Its been raining for the last few days, a welcome relief from the scorching heat of the past few months.I can even hear the birds chirping with relief.
I am reminded of the rains in Calicut.My college was located in the hills outside Calicut city and when it rained,it poured.Gigantic droplets would pound relentlessly as if trying to flatten every building in sight,strong winds would whoosh around sending the tall coconut trees into a tizzy.Rains would be accompanied with a sudden drop in temperature making it a perfect time to take a stroll along the hostel building,drop into a friends room and indulge in banter.
Most hostelites have a craving for a warm cup of tea or coffee at these times.You could either get hold of an umbrella or share an umbrella with someone who had one and was interested in tea/coffee.There are two ways to get to the mini canteen.You could either take the well paved path or if u are in he final year hostel,take the shortcut through the shrubbery.The shortcut is a lot more entertaining with force of the drops splattering mud on your feet and an assortment of creepy crawlies littering your path, bent on looking as ugly as possible.
If you happen to be going to the city in a bus when rain strikes, then the window seaters need to be alert.The shutters are tarpaulin sheets rolled up and held in place,near the top of the bus by clasps attached to the top of each window.When each of these clasps is released the single sheet rolls out to cover its side of windows.Window seaters late in making the move to release their window clasp could find a few prods and harsh stares from his fellow passengers.Those unfortunate not to have got seats would remain standing, a pretty daunting task as the drivers believed that the bus had to match steps with the wildly swaying coconut trees dotting the landscape, sending occupants crashing into each other.
Making ones way in the rain from the hostel to the building hosting the classes was eased by presence of the long mechanical engineering lab which covered most of the length of the distance from the hostel to the main building.One could squelch past these labs for a brief respite, before opening the umbrella to take on the elements again.
Umbrellas are omnipresent during the rains.You would see a lot of them fluttering wildly in the rain with a poor soul trying her best to hold on to it or they would be crowded around at the entrance of the library or the computer center, happily preening away.
Of all the rainy days I remember one vividly and that was the day we had to get no dues certificate from the hostels ,labs libraries and departments i never knew of, in my four years of existence in college.I remember leaving from hostel at around 9 am and returning back by 5 pm with the rains pouring nonstop in the intervening hours.Needless to say, the umbrella was as good as useless that day.
Hmmm me reminiscing college days..mebbe I am getting soft in the head :)

Trip to Mumbai

Mom and me had been to Mumbai to attend a family function.It's been 10 years almost to the day since I last visited Mumbai and incidentally that time too it happened to be just Mum and me.
I had booked tickets on the Air Deccan flight to Mumbai after considerable planning to ensure that both mom and me would land around the same time.Unfortunately Air Deccan chose to play spoil sport and my flight was delayed by 5 hours. I finally landed at Mumbai at the unearthly hour of 2 am after a very cramped journey.
Spent the next hour at one of my uncle's place chatting with my mom's siblings before crashing.Next morning had to get up real early to get to church and by noon the ceremony was over.Mum and dad grew up in Mumbai and so there happen to be lot of relatives and friends, who are almost family.Times like this can be amusing for example when one pretty lady and me traced down the family tree and discovered that we were related; much to my dismay! ;)
Hectic day notwithstanding cousins and me managed to squeeze in a movie too and a cup of coffee at the Cafe Coffee Day by Carter Road which must have the highest density of awesome babes per square feet in India.I think I would have ended up with severe neck damage with all the eye candy on display @ CCD when cousins dragged me for the movie before I could become a further source of embarrassment.Movie was Cheeni Kum and revolved around a 64 year old cook Amitabh Bachan chasing a 34 year old software engineer Tabu.The movie had its 'eye rolling in incredulity' moments but qualifies to be a decent watch.
Had a smashing dinner at uncles place and chatted till late in the night.Next day woke up to a scare that my Indian Airlines flight back to Chennai could possibly be canceled due to a strike by the ground staff but thankfully the my flight was spared.Mom,me and mom's sis went exploring Mumbai visiting their childhood hangouts.We went to the Mount Mary's Church in Bandra and then a quick peep at Sharukh's and Salman's houses with a friendly and amused autowallah acting as our tour guide.Auntie chipped in with the the useful info that Salman was constructing a house near Abishek and Ash's new house :)
Next we made our way to another uncle's place in Vikhroli
for lunch.Uncle spun us around Hiranandani City and for a moment I felt i was in Europe.The place was that awesome!
Finally by evening I was back to the airport and on my flight back to Chennai.Too much stimulation in too little time!! :)

Gasp...

There's been so much happening over the past few days that it feels like a year has passed by

The Pursuit of Happiness

I seldom blog about the activities of community service that I am involved in because they are few and far between and I would hate it if a curious wanderer would ever come across my blog and mis-understand that I am deeply involved in it.
This week I volunteered to distribute clothes for the needy with some of my office mates.The clothes and other items that were collected from the donations made by the company employees were sent to a school nearby where the principal(Lakshmi) there packed it neatly into parcels with each child's name attached to it.They were meant for two orphanages in Chennai.When we assembled at the common pickup point I was surprised to see our mail room boy Mark there.Mark is an ever smiling and hardworking guy and I am sure if he were to receive the education that people like me received he would have been places.
The principal Lakshmi (who is completely immersed in social service) joined us in the visit.She must be around 50 years and as energetic as a 15 year old.We made an odd motley group with a project manager,a mail room boy,a principal and a few software engineers like me.
The orphanages that we visited were in really bad shape especially the second one where there must have been at least 35 children cramped into three small rooms.The single fan in the building was in the reception where we were met by the founder.When it was time for us to leave he and some of the children folded their arms in gratitude...I felt so small:)
At times I really regret not knowing Tamil.I would have loved to converse with these people,especially the founder and the children, but also at times I think it is a blessing in disguise.I can afford to remain ignorant of the existential crises they face in their pursuit of happiness and sleep peacefully.

PS: Names here have been changed.

Weird/Funny articles

Read three weird/funny articles in the papers recently.

1)A female shark managed to reproduce without mating.Seems it is pretty normal and there is even have a name for it Parthenogenesis.

2)A german man fell off the second storey balcony while trying to outspit his 12 year old son in a spitting contest

3)There is a hen turning into a cock in some part of Eastern India

Life in a metro

Back from watching Life in a Metro.Wouldn't call it a disaster.Disaster is something I would reserve for a movie called Namestay London, after which i suffered uncontrollable diarrhea for a week.LIAM would come pretty close to achieving that dubious distinction.
After hearing unreserved praises for LIAM and with my inability to find tickets during the weekends I decided to make a dash for it today.Booked the tickets for the 10 pm show and today also being the last day before the mandatory helmet rule being enforced in Chennai I had to stuff my head into one of those contraptions before leaving.
On reaching Satyam I saw a red carpet rolled out and flashes popping and I was thinking this movie must really rock.It was only when I produced my ticket was I to know that the red carpet was rolled out for Pirates of the Caribbean,rest of the moviegoers were supposed to slink into their respective halls in ignomity.
Characters in LIAM do everything what people in a metro should not be doing like married women chasing divorced men,married bosses having dalliances with unmarried subordinates,nonagenarians having sex etc etc.First half was bearable with some pretty good music,attempted suicides,gays getting busted and by the time its the interval you come to terms with the fact that there is no real story but more of attempts to shock and awe with instances of moral corruption but you still hold hopes that there might be better in store.
Second half was torture with a failed love scene between Shilpa Shetty and her paramour which invited catcalls from the delinquents seated in front of me.There was also a successful love making scene between 120 years old Dharmendra and 102 years old Nafisa Ali which will surely haunt me for the rest of my life.(where are these censor boards when you need them).Dharmpaaji also decides to announce,for a whole minute,that he made a mistake in leaving hot and happening Nafisa Ali, a century back,to pursue his dreams.More madness follows and I am clawing at my seat begging for redemption.
Finally the cast of characters flashes, and I leave for home at the highest speed I could attain.

A Psalm of Life

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream! —
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.
Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, — act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Faces of the leader

The chief minister of Tamil Nadu fathered Stalin. Nope. I am not talking about the Russian who sent millions of his countrymen to the gulags but not quite unlike his namesake Stalin knows how to make his presence felt. There must be around a million cutouts, hoardings, posters of him in Chennai. We have Stalin grinning, smiling, and frowning in his spotless white shirt and dhothi at every major and non major junction. He vies for advertising space with the likes of Abhishek, Sharukh, Asin, Trisha and Rajnikant and beats them hands down. Education must be very dear to him as there are many hoardings of Stalin receiving a degree. And from the looks of it a multiple degree holder as he is receiving a degree from different people.

Now that his dad is about to complete 50 years as a legislator there are now another million cutouts of Karunanithi.Both father and son are now getting more eyeball hits per hour than any other filmy/political figure in Tamil Nadu.

What I have observed is that whatever be the posture these two have the same
expression on their face. Let me name it the leadership expression, LE for short.
LE's are of two types, one is in which the protagonist appears to be looking far away into the future with a troubled expression on his face as if he just peeped into the crystal ball and saw an onslaught of mighty troubles on his people. The other is one in which he is much more relaxed appearing, to enjoy a quiet chuckle with himself as if the crystal ball just told him that happier times are in store for his people.

These LE's make themselves available at any point of time in their daily lives so even if we have a hoarding of Stalin adjusting his dhothi we get to see an LE on his face. These LE's start appearing very early in the career of a politician as is evident with the cutouts of a young, cherubic Karunanithi lit up with a 1000 watt LE.

So it makes me wonder what if I join politics at some point of time and I become a great leader. What if my followers ask me to give them LE snaps of my youth?
The types of snaps I have around with me are of me staring hungrily at a muffin, me washing dishes, me playing gully cricket. Not quite LE material.

The only times that I have LE's are in office where I can’t carry a camera. For example when my manager comes to have a word with me and I am thinking 'You know I am not listening to you so let me entertain myself by examining my reflection in your bald pate' or when I am in the break out area having coffee by myself where I carry a serene expression suggesting that I am thinking about world peace whereas I am thinking about much more earthly issues like ‘Will she slap me if I propose to her’ ‘Should I ask boss for a raise’ ‘What would happen if I added some tea to my cofee’.So many LE’s gone down the drain.

I just noticed that I have an LE right now while composing this post. Lemme call someone to take a snap before the moment passes away:-)

Yet another marriage in Chennai...

but this time I was not invited :p.Saurabh aka Dallah(pimp,hustler in English)was down to attend the marriage of a college friend(Dallah is from NIT Trichi btw).The boy's folks were against the marriage, hence the couple decided to elope.
To bolster the baarath party all his friends, including Dallah streamed down,at short notice.
Expectedly the first thing Dallah asks for when he lands down on a hot chennai afternoon is not water or lunch but a round of beers at the bar.I would have prefferd something solid but at the moment I was starving and even beer looked heavenly.
While we tottered along on my mobike,some snippets of our conversation:
Dallah:"..the girl was not worth fighting with your parents for.."
Me:"..love is blind dude.."
Dallah:"yea"

Dallah:"Do u know K is getting married to U"
Me:"..Dont tell me!.."
(K marrying U would be a love story right out of the movies.K and U were working in the same project and one night the cab dropping them met with an accident.Both K and U were hospitalised and once released from hospital were romantically involved.)
Dallah"..both parents have given their blessings.."

While at the bar we gup shupped about careers and his life as an MBA student.
After downing a few beers and under a cloud of cigarette smoke:

Dallah:"..u know something.."
Me:"..temme.."
Dallah:" i saw a girl for marriage"(silly giggle)
Me"..dog..#@!$#$..!#$#$#$"
Me " how did it go"
Dallah"shes awesome..we decided to wait for 1 year..will be in touch till then.."

Umm marriage flood gates seem to have opened.But why get married when its so much fun being single.Thats my logic,at least for now :p

A Marriage in Chennai

Was whisked away by Sumod to attend a marriage of his classmate last Saturday. Not an entirely appetizing thought having covered nearly 60 km’s on the same day, on bike, under the sweltering sun. Wearily I took my seat while waiting for the proceedings to begin. Weariness soon gave away to gloom when I discovered that the service would be in Tamil. Accusatory looks from me were met with dubious pleas of ignorance from Sumod.
Faced with a bleak outlook I began to absorb my surroundings. Of particular interest was the huge golden falcon statue in the middle of the church. Never remember seeing one like it in a church before. Standing on its pedestal, with wings stretched out and a determined gaze riveted on the exit, it seemed to share my predicament.
Right in front of me were a bald old man and his identical looking son sans the polished pate. Both were dressed in blue suits and wore earphones.
I remember attending a marriage when I was a kid and the speaker spoke something which went like “Every member of the congregation thinks of ones own marriage while attending a marriage”. I don’t know whether it was a truth reserved exclusively for married couples but it’s a thought which always manages to sneak its way in. This time with the uninspiring proceedings even the honeymoon package made its way in. My reverie was broken when the master of ceremony interspersed his speech with a few words in English. ”Marriage is a road filled with pitfalls, misunderstandings..blah blah”..” Before her marriage a woman expects a man, during her marriage a woman suspects a man and after her marriage a woman respects a man”. (I almost said Wah Wah :-)).
I presume that the rest of the sermon was not that ominous, else we would have had a runaway bride situation.
Finally the proceedings drew to a close with some confetti throwing. My confetti unfortunately never made it past the bald dude.

Re: [ NITC Global ] [whole story] Fact about SFI dispute....

Popped into my lesser inspected email id's to find my inbox crammed with mails about a recent dispute between the SFI and the NIT junta.Apparently the SFI folks were miffed with the authorities for tossing them out of the campus.Retaliation by SFI was severe with the Administrative Block(AB for most)being stoned and the water supply cut off.
Seldom does a batch pass through NIT Calicut without witnessing a day in which the NIT junta transport themselves to the stone age.Even the Gods fear the day when the mallu rolls up his lungi and the northie stamps out his cigarette for hell hath no fury as a NITCian on the rampage.
It was my third year in college and the day was the festival of colours,Holi.The day began in gentlemanly fashion with hostelites colouring each other,tearing each others clothes,borrowing the gardening hose to spray bystanders and taking a dip in a defunct tank which is dry throughout the year but miraculously fills up on Holi.Curiously with such a wide range of colours being used most revellers end up looking pink.With all those pink beings roaming around and torn garments strewn on freshly paved roads,the unenlightened would be forgiven to conclude an invasion by aliens.
As is customary, male hostelites left for their annual pilgrimage to the Ladies Hostel(LH for most) to spread the message of Holi, which usually culminates in a dancing frenzy accompanied by drum beating on buckets in front of the LH gate.LH being out of bounds for the males is a safe vantage point for the ladies to enjoy the spectacle.Unfortunately one female was rather unlucky to have been caught outside the safe premises of the LH and was molested.

Now it so happened that this female was a mallu,belonged to the final year and was extremely popular in her batch.The combination couldn't have been worse.Final year mallu students were naturally outraged and considered it their duty to dispense justice in whatever manner they sought appropriate.They came to the conclusion that the second year northies were to blame and bashed up a few of them in their hostel.

Lying low is not an option in a college where groupism is rampant.To save face it was important for the northies to strike back.Planning started in full swing.Sports goods like stumps and bats were amassed,word was spread to sympathisers in various hostels and the plan was crystallised.The attack on the final year mallu hostel(F` for most)took place right after dinner.Luckily someone managed to close the gate of the F' hostel in time but a few unlucky souls still got hammered.The northies managed to break up a few glass panes and a compound wall before they finally dispersed.The following morning the entire second year batch was suspended.

Glad to see that the art of war is still a part of the curriculum.Changing the world can be left to lesser mortals.

Sad but true

You Are 40% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Found this funny

Learn from thy neighbour

No its not swashbuckling Bangladesh and their cricketing feats that I am talking about.Its tiny Bhutan that has been making waves lately.Bhutan is the first nation in the world where protection of the environment has been enshrined in its constitution.
Affirmative action by governments of the world to protect nature is such heartening news.
With the largest chunk of humanity on the Indian subcontinent and with a really booming economy we are in a position to cause some really serious damage.Its too much to expect our government to do something about it,but there are a lot of things that we could do.Avoiding the unnecessary use of plastic for one.It would hardly be of any inconvenience to carry a bag with us while shopping.Moreover when the shopkeeper deems it necessary to wrap up everything in a plastic packet,we really need to refuse his benevolence.Misuse of office stationery comes next.It would be really great if we thought twice about whether we really needed that printout and if it is needed spare a thought and see if both sides of the paper could be used.
With regard to food habits,cutting down on sea food would give the creatures of the seas a break.Return the sachet of sauce if you don't need it.If your company supplies paper glasses to drink water,try carrying a bottle with you.It would cut down the number of paper glasses used.
There is a lot more that we could do,but its the doing that matters.

Quote for the day

There is a traffic jam on the road less travelled!

Feeling sheepish

Feeling a bit sheepish about makin fun of the british lady in the post below.Having fun at someones expense is a big NO.

While I was away...

Jeez,I am so sorry to have left for a vacation unannounced. A detailed description will follow but before that some pressing matters need to be addressed
1) India is out of the world cup.
I don't know why there is such a hue and cry about such a non issue. It was never about winning the cup, the world cup is always about scoring brownie points over Pakistan and didn't we do it in style. Unlike Pakistan we did not lose to a non test playing country but to Bangladesh which is ranked a very respectable 10th among the test playing nations. By trouncing Bermuda we let the whole world know that Bermuda is a country and not a boring chapter in Geometry and most importantly we got our coach back in one piece. So while India comes out of the world cup with a squeaky clean image, Pakistan looks like it is the epicenter of gonorrhea and syphilis. Well done boys. Bravo!!


2) Iran nearly triggers off World War 3
15 British sailors now find themselves in Iranian jails after fishing in trouble waters. Last heard, grown up men were fighting about who gets to keep the very obese lone female sailor. Will she be the face that launched a thousand ships?

3) LTTE has its own air force.
Wouldn’t have concerned me but had to catch a connecting flight at Colombo airport. What are the odds that LTTE would develop their own air force, the first time in their history and bombard a Sri Lankan air base adjacent to the international airport during my vacation period!!

Snow-Orhan Pamuk

Just back from finishing my latest novel Snow. Snow could be classified as one belonging to the genre of philosophy, a subject that I usually avoid. I must say this book has changed my perception and I am now itching to explore this new treasure trove.

Snow tells us the story of a professional poet (I never knew you could make a living being a poet) Ka who visits his hometown Kars to investigate the high rate of suicides among the headscarf girls. While he is at Kars he also meets up with the sweetheart of his student years Ipek who is now divorced. Kars being a border town and relatively inaccessible to the rest of the country is a hotbed for radical Islamic activity, making it a thorn in the flesh for the secular government and the omnipresent army. Elections are due shortly and the radical Islamic party is most likely to win the elections, which would hamper Turkey’s chances of making it to the EU. Heavy snow results in the city of Kars being cut off from the rest of the country, an ideal opportunity for disgruntled army men to stage a coup. The coup provides a wonderful opportunity to the nationalistic Turks to finish off enemies they deem a threat to the fatherland, without the fear of retribution from the Turkish government as their act would be considered patriotic.
Orhan Pamuk tell us this story trough Ka he poet who gets labeled an atheist by the radicals and a radical by the secularists .Ka apparently is unperturbed and his only concern is to save his skin. In the meantime he is busy wooing the gorgeous Ipek though I must add that I found the alacrity with which he indulged in unprotected sex alarming. (Literature is not always the best place to educate oneself about sex!!)
Ipek has a sister Kadife who is categorized as a fundamentalist and is hence constantly at odds with the rest of her more leftist leaning family. The story revolves around the lives of these three chracters,the choices that they make and the reasons that they stand by them.

While reading Snow you are always under the impression that Orhan Pamuk the author identifies strongly with Ka and views Turkey through his lenses Ka spares no one and views all with cynicism whether it is the Nationalists or the Islamists.
Ka laments the sad sate of affairs in Turkey where each group tries to impose their ideology on the rest of the country, none of which are acceptable. Ka makes his way through this maze remarkably well but towards the end of the story I found Ka to be rather weak, (too afraid to be happy cause it would be followed by sadness and so continue to stew in sadness. WTF!!)

To conclude I would say that Snow make an interesting read because the language is simple (don’t have to rush to the dictionary every 5 minutes) and the story that Orhan manages to weave through these characters is thought provoking. He spices such a weighty subject with a subtle element of humor which makes Snow all the more endearing.

Drama in real life

I'm sad. While channel surfing today I came across a program on Animal Planet featuring an octopus. This lady octopus was heavily pregnant and was looking for a safe spot to build her nest. After finding a snugly niche among some rocks she proceeded to secure it by barring the entrance with smaller rocks. She then laid her mind-boggling 400,000 eggs. The eggs were so tiny; they couldn't have been bigger than grains of rice. Maternity care is not very popular with octopuses and so the young mother left her nest to grab some grub. Laying half a million eggs is a tiring job and the eels prowling nearby were quick to smell an opportunity. An adventurous eel started the proceedings by grabbing a mouthful of the octopus’ arm. While the eel latched on to the arm, the octopus struggled to free herself. Octopuses have a defense mechanism in which they confuse their adversary by spraying them with a jet of ink. Our octopus even tries this trick but the pesky eel just won’t let go. The heart rending tussle lasts a long time before a huge chunk of her arm breaks off and our octopus is free but only briefly before a swarm of eels pounce on her. Finally the poor thing dies but not before shooting a huge cloud of ink in the water, perhaps signaling that she went down with all guns blazing. In case you are wondering what happened to all those eggs?Yes,they will die soon without nourishment.

I wish the cameraman would have saved the poor octopus. The world would have been richer with half a million more octopuses:(.
Pray that their souls rest in peace…

The Departed

Had been waiting to see Departed for quite some time.Finally i did make a break for it this week.The only theatre still running it is Mayajaal which is some 30KM out of the city.Getting there is not as painful as it sounds as there is the beautiful ECR road to get you till there.The Departed is about the Irish mafia in Boston.Jack Nicholson is the head honco of the Irish mob who apart from doing regular evil stuff during his youth makes a smart investment with an eye on the future.He grooms a young lad to join the police force so that he could serve as an in house mole for him.The young lad grows up to be Matt Damon who serves his benefactor with extra ordinary devotion.

Leonardo Caprio is also a young lad with ambitions to join the police but unfortunately he has a past which makes him best suited for the role of an informer.
While Leonardo and Matt play the rat and mole game they have a common romantic interest in the police department psychaitrist.Towards the end as the suspense mounts so does the body count and you better not blink cause u would miss a kill.

I would say that Jack Nicholson as a profanity spouting mobster was outstanding.The movie is different from a usual gangster flick because it is hard hitting an un sentimental.I would rate it ****

Colourful me

Been an awful week.First I contracted something nasty which turned my eyes all red.The doctors diagnosed it as a case of severe throat infection and prescribed some antibiotics which were absolutely awful.By the next day I developed a rash and my imagination went haywire.I have always been sceptical of doctors opinions cause they see like a hundred patients a day and so I guess they are as prone as us Software Engineers to umm..humm..miss a bug.
I did my own research and zeroed on to chickungunya.I had all the symptoms of Chickungunya except severe joint pain though my mind started playing games and I could feel my legs go wobbly
Armed with my research I went back to the docs but no amount of yapping could convince them.They dismissed my rash as a reaction to the antibiotics and prescribed a new set for me.
I spent Holi with my eyes all red and face in different shades of blue, a colourful Holi of a different kind!!

Thankfully it seems the docs were right and I am now in the pink of health.

Big B for President

The Samajwadi Party wants Amitabh Bachan to be President of India and in view of our Parliament's obsession with all things filmy it does look a distinct possibility.

The swearing in ceremony would be so much fun if Amitabh were to come dressed in in his Shahenshah outfit (black boots,black suit,black gloves,silver chains).I bet President Musharraf would be left squirming in his seat if Big B were to pepper his oath with dialogues like
Rishtey mein hum tumhare baap lagtein hain,Naam hai Shahenshah.To wind up proceedings we could have a rendition of Kajra re by the first family.

What bothers me is the type of signal our leaders are trying to send to the populace.If Abdul Kalam inspired a generation of young Indians to expand the frontiers of science ,Amitabh Bachan with his latest release Gia Nishabdwould inspire a generation of grandpas to bust their pensions on harleys and leather jackets.

While we are on the subject of bollywood and politics why leave out Shilpa Shetty.Her dignity in the face of racial abuse to win the Big Brother show (for a paltry sum of 3.5 crores)will be rememberd by the future generation of Indians as an act of defiance comparable with Gandhiji's refusal to vacate his seat on a train in South Africa.

As she has already proved her mettle in the foreign relations department, with even Tony Blair swooning over her, we could have her as the Minister of Exernal Affairs.Mebbe the well endowed Ms Shetty could bamboozle the tough talking Prez Musharraf to chill over the Kashmir issue.

Hmm...I wish I had taken up acting instead of engineering:(

Trivandrum

Its been such a long time since I have been to Trivandrum that I cant help noticing the changes.
Sumod,Priya and me went to a shopping mall Lifestyle.Not too sure but I think this is the first high end mall in Trivandrum.It would pale in comparision with Spencer Plaza or Forum but a start for Trivandrum nonetheless.

The first Cafe Coffee Day has opened in Trivandrum, which a few years ago ,would have been as unthinkable as a disco in Afghanistan. The crowd is much more cosmo now and I could see a lot of North Indian junta around.There are even some foreigners employed in the bigger hotels in Tvm.

Mallu babes are buring their Kanjeevarams and are experimenting with low rise jeans, though they are still a far cry away from the eyball popping heights of glory achieved by their Chennai and Bangalore cousins

Trivandrum is typical pensioners paradise.Life here still is pretty simple, reminiscent of what Bangalore was around ten years back.With the advent of IT companies I think change is bound to happen, but I do hope that it wont be a no holds barred expansion as we have been witnessing in other cities.After all in how many metros do you get to see a tusker being transported by truck through the main road:)

Country roads take me home..

Not country roads, but it was the Indian Railways which finally took me home after a loooooong time. Whenever I return home after a long time i am always welcomed by gasps and wails of 'how thin I have become' , which is fine with me as long as Mom spreads out the most amazing dishes, over my stay, to fatten me up:-).
Ever since my sis moved out after her marriage I have had a room of my own to flop around in. As I had been away for quite some time the room had taken a civilized look and I busied myself making it inhabitable by strewing my luggage and clothes around.

I discovered that I had forgotten my shampoo back in Chennai, so I took the liberty of borrowing mom's 'juicy green apples' shampoo:D .For he next few days I will be smelling like a juicy green apple:)


It’s been less than 2 days at home now. Mom has prepared Shepherds pie, prawn pulao, chicken roll, vindaloo already and there are many more to go.

Television programs in Kerala continue to remain nutty. For breakfast I watched an educational program on a modern swine slaughter house somewhere in Kerala.The presenter spoke with such unbridled glee u would think that the assembly line was churning out surface to air missiles and not pig corpses.

Sumod, Priya and me went out for a chocolate buffet, an advertising gimmick by the hotel to encourage the habit of eating out in Trivandrum.Needless to say we over indulged ourselves and I cant bear to see chocolate for the rest of my life.

Banana Leaf

I have been in South India for quite a long time and have encountered a meal served on the banana leaf pretty often.If you happen to be in Kerala during onam there is no way you could miss Onam Sandhya which comprises a gadzillion curries and another gadzillion payasams served on the Banana Leaf.

Eating off a banana leaf is not that simple.It has complex rules of etiquette to be observed and there is always something new to be discovered.

If the ladle handing out your scoop of rice freezes in mid air don't panic.The waiter is not going to smash it in your face.He is waiting for you to clean your babana leaf.Although if you still dont get the hint he probably would.

You need to be very careful while cleaning you leaf lest you end up rotating the leaf such that the broader end is toward the left.This is a strict no and your leaf may be snatched away from you in disgust.

If you are done with your meal you need to indicate so by folding your leaf, else you would find another scoop of rice bang in the middle of your leaf.

If you fold the leaf away from body it means that you are dissatisfied with your meal and if you fold it inwards it means that you consider it a smashing meal.I would advise always folding the leaf inwards unless you want a cavity on your face resembling the ladle.

Thats all for now,will keep adding new rules as i find them.

Blood Diamonds

I have read so many Wilbur Smith books that to miss watching Blood Diamonds would be criminal.Blood Diamonds has oscar written all over it.It is an undistorted portrayal of the senseless violence which grips most African countries.The story is about the trade in conflict zone diamonds mined in Sierra Leone. Leonardo Caprio is a diamond smuggler, DannyArcher who comes across this fisher man Solomon Vandy, who in turn is in search of his lost family.Solomon Vandy knows the location of a monstrous diamond buried deep in jungle and hence begins a hunt of epic propotions.The luscious Jenifer Connelly is an American journalist out to cover the war but unfortunately she does not have much of a role.

Leonardo stands out from the rest and plays his role with conviction.I think he made a perfect fit for the role.It needed someone who could be devilish but still endearing and he played that role with aplomb,whether it was in flirting with JC or scaring the living daylights out of Solomon Vandy

The violent scenes were shot very well and managed to capture the fear and chaos created by militiamen realistically. And unlike most war movies the protagonist didnt have any have any wife or girlfriend waiting for him back home and so it spares us the misery of slow motion dollops of mush.

Hmm.. sad that such a wonderful land still is torn apart by conflict.An alien watching from out there in the galaxy, would be puzzled over our struggles for a piece of rock that looks like glass..

License to swim

The alarming rate at which my tummy has been expanding over the last few months, has convinced me to start swimming on a regular basis.The swimming pool nearest to my house belongs to the Tamil Nadu Sports Development Authority.To become a member one is required to get a fitness certificate,certifying that the applicant is free from skin disease and epilepsy.

So I had to make yet another trip to civilization(read Adayar) to get my fitness certificate.Thankfully getting the certificate was not that difficult,though the doc looked a bit amused with the request and did take his time trying to scribble something intelligent on the certificate.

Since i was already in Adayar I thought of picking up a swimming cap from the sports shop.While i was parking at the complex a young girl, around 10 years old,approached me to donate to the Helpage organization.As i obliged her, the parking attendant,who was really old, came around and started shooing the girl away.Not wanting to create a scene I quickly signed and handed over the money and rushed into the complex.

When I was done with my shopping the parking attendant was back and he kept muttering something to me in Tamil, which to me sounded like "ninety years old".."retired in 1974" "32 years no pension" "Karunanithi govt sucks".When I pieced together the jigsaw puzzle my jaw nearly dropped to the floor.This guy is 90 years old!!No wonder he was pissed with the helpage girl.Most helpage inmates would be like kids to him!!While leaving I gave him a generous tip and he gave me a toothless grin and blew his whistle for me :D

At last armed with my fitness certificate and my stamp sized photos,I made my way back to the Sports Center.The stadium officer was pleasant, an endangered species in government service.He briskly filled up my application and made me sign at the relevant places.Finally he handed over to me, my membership card-my license to swim:D

Pain in the neck

I have discovered that living austerely can be a pain in the neck-literally.When I cleared out from my previous room I decided against carrying my old cot as it was beyond repair and literally in tatters.I did not buy any new cot/matress as I assumed that sleeping on a chatai couldn't be that tough.
I have been waking up each day to realize how wrong I was but this thursday matters really came to a head,when i woke up with a more than normal painful back and neck.
I tried some back and neck exercises in the office which went on to further aggravate it, so that by evening I was walking with my head tilted permanently, at an awkward angle and letting out an occassional whimper much to the surprise of my colleagues.
I am sure that the boy at the coffee counter thought I was making a pass at him when I asked him for coffee with my DevAnandesque pose..shucks!

Gotta buy a mattress this weekend now..wince

Settling Down

Its been a week since I moved into my new apartment and I have begun to notice the flaws, which were not apparent on first inspection.The bathroom is so tiny that my towel manages to rub me down even before I am done with the bath.My bathing soap sits precariously close to the detergent bar, so each day I am in constant danger of mistaking my Cinthol for my Rin bar.Apart from these dangers, the Domex bottle ,the bucket and the mug are locked in a battle to bump into me everytime i pay the bathroom a visit.

The room's plumbing system deserves mention in the Believe It or Not.The washbasin located in the hall discharges right into the bathroom which renders it practically useless,unless you are ok with a messy bathroom. Absence of a washbasin makes it particulary painful to shave as I have to balance a mug of water and my shaving stick with one had while the other hand uses the razor to scrape my face clean.

My room is on the topmost floor , above which is the terrace, in which a dog resides.This unexpected neighbour has already managed to chew the shoe of my roommate.

The mosquitoes here seem to have evolved into some super race.No mat,liquid or coil works with them and quite often they have made me wake up in the middle of the night,forcing me to read Hillary Clinton's Living History to put me back to sleep.

There are no hangouts nearby, the nearest Cafe Coffee Day being some 10 kms away.During the weekend exploration I located a mini market nearby, which was a relief as I was already reeling from the number of trips to civilization, that I had to make, to get my necessities.

All in all this place is so yawn.

Clearing Out

Finally the day arrived when I had to clear out of my house.I managed to stuff my worldly possessions into two large suitcases and one large cardboard carton.It reminded me of my college days when I had to move from hostel to hostel.

While cleaning up i found a gold coloured coin with 1 rupee engraved on it.Looked like srilankan currency to me.

By the time we guys were done with the packing the house looked like it was struck by a hurricane.I was too sick too feel sad but the house maid did shed a few tears.

Before leaving we handed over the keys to Mr Chidambaram.He made me sign a document in which one line read something like this "The dust particles left behind in the house are useless and can be disposed off by the owner"

Fun and games with Mr Chidambaram

Mr Chidambaram is my ex real estate agent,and i hate him from the bottom of my heart.Middle aged,short, with the few remaining strands of hair plastered on his head,he reminds me of the fairy tale character Rumpelstiltskin.He operates from a 15X10 feet office,which manages to accomodate him and his fairly obese secretary.I unfortunately have had to meet him on the first of every month to hand over the room rent.
He is the type of boss you would hate to work for.I hardly understand tamil but I think he addresses his secretary with"Get me the file u cow!".The secretary responds with a moan which sounds like cross between a meow and a moo..mooew.She generally takes her own sweet time till Rumple erupts with "Why dont u ever hurry up".. "Why do i ever tolerate you".They work 14 hours a day and even on weeekends. And it is fair to assume that this kind of exchange goes on throughout those 14 hours.And i thought my job sucked!!

I had to make an additional trip to his office this month to discuss about vacating the house.He brought out my 10 Kg file and pulled out the rent agreement I had signed some 2.5 years back.He pointed out a clause written in microprint "Tenant must submit all the electricity bills for the duration of the stay else get a no dues certificate from the electricity board".
Obviously I was shell shocked and no amount of pleading would work with him.On rummagging through my house all i could locate were 8 electricity bills.

The logical step now was to contact the electricity board.According to the electricity board only the Assistant Engineer was authorised to come out with any kind of certificate.Following is the sequence of events at the EB office

Day1:AE gone for training
Day2:AE gone for inspection
Day3:AE gone for training
Day4:AE gone on Pongal vacation,Please come after a week

When the D day arrived me and my roomie Sanal finally met the elusive AE.By the time we had finished explaining our case to the AE he flew into a terrible rage for reasons unknown.It is strange but when I am being yelled at,time suddenly stands still and everything seems to move in slow motion.I could see his face contorting with hate, the leathery skin on his jowls straining with exertion,his nostrils flaring like a dragon while his mouth spewed venom on us.After his onslaught subsided, me and Sanal made our way out of there quickly.Another minute there and I think he would have sodomised us right in front of his staff.

Finally, with hardly any bills and no no dues certificate we decided to pay the penalty....i feel so suckered.

Guru

The socialist bug has bitten the Tamil Nadu government.It believes that upliftment of the masses is possible only when there is equal opportunity to watch tributes to the cinematic movement like Vivah,Sauten,C u at 9 etc in the comfort of a multiplex.Hence all cinema houses are supposed to reserve 10% of their tickets at Rs 10.So a ticket in Satyam multiplex which costs upwards of Rs 150 is now available for a pittance.As I consider myself a member of the deprived classes I made a beeline for the multiplex on Thursday night.I half expected a queue of 100,000 at the 10 rupee ticket counter but was surprised to find that there was practically no queue.Either the Satyam guys did a good job of hiding that counter at a nondescript part of the theatre or the movie sucked.I feared the latter.

The first three rows of the hall make up the 10 buck seat quota.I seated myself in a position so that i would not end up doing permanent damage to my neck.Sitting at such proximity to the screen is a completely different experience.Aishwary's ample cleavage which would have been titillating say if i were seated at the last row,now looked like two brown boulders competing to cover the entrance to a cave. Also I couldn't help being distracted by the prop who kept adjusting his fake moustache when Guru throws a party or noticing the vest worn by Abhishek to give the appearance of a thickset man.And I couldn't help wince when Abhishek's paralysed lip fell perfectly into place while talking.

If Guru is supposed to be the defining role in Abhishek's career I have my doubts.There seems no consistent theme to the storyline Is it a battle between two equals ,Madhavan and Abhishek? or is it the story of a man who beat all odds to rise through poverty or is it the story of a gutsy husband and wife couple.Moreover Guru's supposedly emotion inducing speech justifying being corrupt just because he rose through poverty, just makes no sense.

And one more doubt , why didn't they name the movie Dhiru if it is supposed to be based on Dhirubhai Ambani's life?Dhiru sounds uncool?

All in all a good return on investment considering the pittance i shelled out for the ticket,even less than my parking ticket :D

Ted Bundy

I have a morbid fascination for serial killers ,murderers,gangsters and assorted antisocials.When it comes to serial killers Ted Bundy stands head and shoulders above the rest.... probably because he kept the severed heads of his victims as trophies in his room.His final head count remains uncertain to this day, estimates range from 38 to 380.Ted Bundy generally preferred females in the age group of 17-24.His modus operandi was simple.As a young articulate handsome man he roused the sympathy of his victims by pretending to be injured and asking them for assistance.When the unsuspecting victim would be busy helping him he would clobber them on their head.He would then dump their bodies in his favourite haunt on a mountain and return later to violate their dead and putrefying corpses.He twice managed to escape from jail and each time returned to his vicious ways with a rampage.

While psychologists believe that a failed relationship during his youth could have triggered his tryst with insanity,Bundy himself lays the blame on hardcore porn.

It is when Bundy looks like the way he does,that you begin to wonder about the people near you.Is my dim witted manager a Ted Bundy?Are the bodies of those software engineers who quit the company recently lying in his basement?Am i a Ted Bundy?When i was a kid,did those pictures of Urmila frolicking in a baniyan in Rangeela (never knew girls wore banianys till i saw Rangeela) let loose the animal within me?

OK,me gotta go now..gotta bake that plumber I slayed today morning..yumm

New Beginning

Its a new beginning for me today,new blog, new residence..