Rab ne banayi jodi

Back from watching Rab ne. As has become the norm in all Sharukh movies there were a lot of love lectures. So as per the movie let us define love
To Panni the female lead, love happens when :-
1) u are married to a man as old and perishable as the gobi manchurian u bought last week; that after you being the hottest chick in all of punjab, harayana, himachal combined
2)ur man fantasizes dancing with u in a church with 233 sardar kids holding candles to u.
3)ur hubby shows no signs of biological curiosity after being married for what seems like a decades.
4)hubby dearest has a friend Sunny who is strongly suspected to be gay.
5)u still dont flee with the next best option in town - An eve teasing, soppy movie dialogue spouting, colourfully dressed jat

To Suri (SRK) love happens when :-
1) wifey shows up on party and saves ur izzat.
2)wifey knows u suck but doesn't say so.
3)its ok to use the facilities of Punjab Power to proclaim ur love.
4)its ok to tempt wifey into adultery by being a miserable mouse in one avtar and a mindboggling moron in avtar2
truly rab ne banayi jodi..this love story made my eyes go moist

Lisa Nowak and Astro Diapers

Read this article a long time back and had meant to blog on it.Found time only now.

So this American astronaut drove nearly 900 miles to pepper spray the girlfriend of her former love interest.Weren't astronauts supposed to be bright?At least Jeanie in 'I Dream of Jeanie' used to think so.I am beginning to think otherwise.Did she really have to drive? Couldn't she have just flown down?Or why the need for a physical presence when she could have just called up, if all she wanted to do was to just give her a little scare.It worries me that these specimen are the brightest that human kind could offer after so many years of evolution

Another interesting point is that she she wore special NASA diapers for the journey.I was a bit surprised to know that NASA actually made such things.I wonder what these NASA diapers are like? Can these astros fly back and forth to the moon without a nappy change?More importantly, was Neil Armstrong wearing a diaper when he landed on the moon?It kind of makes the whole landing on the moon stuff so off putting.Kind of like coming to know that your stern looking manager wears floral underwear.(The manager being male of course)

I hear that the Chinese are planning to land one of their own on the moon.I bet there is a Chinese astronaut praying somewhere that unlike most goods Chinese this diaper does actually undergo a quality control test.

My World This Week

The last few days have been pretty eventful and heavy on the wallet. Last Thursday the silencer of my bike broke off from my bike somewhere on the route between the office and my home. That I realized it only much later, speaks volumes of my observation skills. Now your silencer breaking off does not disfigure your bike too much and it adds a very masculine vroom when you raise the throttle. However I thought it would be prudent to get it replaced soon. Unfortunately bajaj does not think that a silencer falling off is a common occurrence and I had to wait until the next Monday for the spares to come.

I had a treat to attend on Sunday evening. This place is called Rainforest. It is designed to resemble a rainforest. You are served on tables placed in cave like structures with a few fake animals surrounding them. There is even a very bored dude dressed like a chimp to keep the kids entertained. There is practically no lighting and the place is very cramped so you got to be careful that crumbs from your meal don’t fall into your neighbor’s plate. Picture the chicken lollipop from your plate landing into the curd rice of your neighboring Tam Brahmin’s plate and the resounding slap it would invite.

Well treat done, and its time to make a move and I discover that my helmet is missing. We hunted for half an hour with no success. I didn’t want to give up and finally my friends had to drag me out. You become kind of attached to your helmet when it costs 800 bucks.

The worst was yet to come. My bike broke down while returning home and I was stranded in the middle of nowhere at 12’o clock in the night. I finally spent the night with a friend who lived near enough to pick me up.

Monday-bike serviced and helmet bought-3000 bucks in all. Wednesday had to send an international courier-1000 bucks. On Thursday morning received a distress call from a friend. He had fallen down and had cut his tongue and chin. Had to drive 10 km in the rain while getting to his place and yet again when coming back home. Left with a cold now ACHTOOOOOOOOO :-)

Sarah

A poem which never fails to haunt..thought I should share it with you all.

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my Mommy
Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all,
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long.

When I awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.

When my Mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall

I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.

He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy
Murdered me.

Adopt Kittens!

Found this lovely site while browsing today

Realizing a childhood dream

Finally got down to cleaning up my desk. I have always struggled to maintain a clear desk ever since I had one of my own. Sis and me got one each when we were kiddos and both tables existed in a remarkably similar state of untidiness as long as they were with us. Buried under clutter, they were consigned to never see the light of day again before they were rescued every month or so when my exasperated mum took us siblings to task. They probably went to better owners when we had to get rid of them when we moved out of Raipur.
During my years at Engg college each hostelite got a desk of his own. These were handed down over the generations and the engravings in them could speak a million words if given a chance. They ranged from pearls of wisdom like 'I can't C' to anatomically impossible sketches of Shakeela. Unfortunately here too I could not make any progress in having a clean desk. If I were to construct a graph of the level of tidiness of my desk it would reveal an alarming dip during my years at college.
Now I think I have found the solution to this vexing problem.I have decided to have a 'clear desk policy'(borrowed from office lexicon).I have decided to keep my desk clear except for a few articles. The laptop gets pride of place and along with it are the laughing Buddha I picked from Singapore, a bottle of WaterBury’s Compound, my wallet, my watch and a box for miscellaneous items like the scissor and the nail cutter .I hope the status remains unchanged at least for a week;)

I find this fwd so funny :)

a girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle)
> >>Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
> >>
> >>Guy: No this is fun.
> >>
> >>Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
> >>
> >>Guy: Then tell me you love me.
> >>
> >>Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
> >>
> >>Guy: Now give me a BIG hug. (Girl hugs him)
> >>
> >>Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on? Its bugging me.
> >>
> >>In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building
> >>because
> >>of break failure. Two people were on the motorcycle, but only one
> >>survived.
> >>The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks
> >>broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say
> >>she
> >>loved him, felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so she
> >>would live even though it meant he would die.
> >>send this
> >>to 15 people in the next 10 minutes and the person you love the most will
> >>realise

A change in layout inspired by blackle-the greener google; and plus it helps that i never liked the orange, green layout.

May my armchair activism save a few microwatts of energy...

So these energy saving rules make the following fellow bloggers the biggest polluters.
Kandy, Ajith,Sajiv,Vinay

Intermediate polluter: Hitchhiker

And surprise surprise. The greenest blogger of all is our very own chain smoking Dutta

PS:I really tried hard to put a title to this post,but blogger just wouldn't let me.

Web Browser

Folks,try out the Safari web browser from Apple.Its awssuuum :)

Rains!!

Its been raining for the last few days, a welcome relief from the scorching heat of the past few months.I can even hear the birds chirping with relief.
I am reminded of the rains in Calicut.My college was located in the hills outside Calicut city and when it rained,it poured.Gigantic droplets would pound relentlessly as if trying to flatten every building in sight,strong winds would whoosh around sending the tall coconut trees into a tizzy.Rains would be accompanied with a sudden drop in temperature making it a perfect time to take a stroll along the hostel building,drop into a friends room and indulge in banter.
Most hostelites have a craving for a warm cup of tea or coffee at these times.You could either get hold of an umbrella or share an umbrella with someone who had one and was interested in tea/coffee.There are two ways to get to the mini canteen.You could either take the well paved path or if u are in he final year hostel,take the shortcut through the shrubbery.The shortcut is a lot more entertaining with force of the drops splattering mud on your feet and an assortment of creepy crawlies littering your path, bent on looking as ugly as possible.
If you happen to be going to the city in a bus when rain strikes, then the window seaters need to be alert.The shutters are tarpaulin sheets rolled up and held in place,near the top of the bus by clasps attached to the top of each window.When each of these clasps is released the single sheet rolls out to cover its side of windows.Window seaters late in making the move to release their window clasp could find a few prods and harsh stares from his fellow passengers.Those unfortunate not to have got seats would remain standing, a pretty daunting task as the drivers believed that the bus had to match steps with the wildly swaying coconut trees dotting the landscape, sending occupants crashing into each other.
Making ones way in the rain from the hostel to the building hosting the classes was eased by presence of the long mechanical engineering lab which covered most of the length of the distance from the hostel to the main building.One could squelch past these labs for a brief respite, before opening the umbrella to take on the elements again.
Umbrellas are omnipresent during the rains.You would see a lot of them fluttering wildly in the rain with a poor soul trying her best to hold on to it or they would be crowded around at the entrance of the library or the computer center, happily preening away.
Of all the rainy days I remember one vividly and that was the day we had to get no dues certificate from the hostels ,labs libraries and departments i never knew of, in my four years of existence in college.I remember leaving from hostel at around 9 am and returning back by 5 pm with the rains pouring nonstop in the intervening hours.Needless to say, the umbrella was as good as useless that day.
Hmmm me reminiscing college days..mebbe I am getting soft in the head :)

Trip to Mumbai

Mom and me had been to Mumbai to attend a family function.It's been 10 years almost to the day since I last visited Mumbai and incidentally that time too it happened to be just Mum and me.
I had booked tickets on the Air Deccan flight to Mumbai after considerable planning to ensure that both mom and me would land around the same time.Unfortunately Air Deccan chose to play spoil sport and my flight was delayed by 5 hours. I finally landed at Mumbai at the unearthly hour of 2 am after a very cramped journey.
Spent the next hour at one of my uncle's place chatting with my mom's siblings before crashing.Next morning had to get up real early to get to church and by noon the ceremony was over.Mum and dad grew up in Mumbai and so there happen to be lot of relatives and friends, who are almost family.Times like this can be amusing for example when one pretty lady and me traced down the family tree and discovered that we were related; much to my dismay! ;)
Hectic day notwithstanding cousins and me managed to squeeze in a movie too and a cup of coffee at the Cafe Coffee Day by Carter Road which must have the highest density of awesome babes per square feet in India.I think I would have ended up with severe neck damage with all the eye candy on display @ CCD when cousins dragged me for the movie before I could become a further source of embarrassment.Movie was Cheeni Kum and revolved around a 64 year old cook Amitabh Bachan chasing a 34 year old software engineer Tabu.The movie had its 'eye rolling in incredulity' moments but qualifies to be a decent watch.
Had a smashing dinner at uncles place and chatted till late in the night.Next day woke up to a scare that my Indian Airlines flight back to Chennai could possibly be canceled due to a strike by the ground staff but thankfully the my flight was spared.Mom,me and mom's sis went exploring Mumbai visiting their childhood hangouts.We went to the Mount Mary's Church in Bandra and then a quick peep at Sharukh's and Salman's houses with a friendly and amused autowallah acting as our tour guide.Auntie chipped in with the the useful info that Salman was constructing a house near Abishek and Ash's new house :)
Next we made our way to another uncle's place in Vikhroli
for lunch.Uncle spun us around Hiranandani City and for a moment I felt i was in Europe.The place was that awesome!
Finally by evening I was back to the airport and on my flight back to Chennai.Too much stimulation in too little time!! :)

Gasp...

There's been so much happening over the past few days that it feels like a year has passed by

The Pursuit of Happiness

I seldom blog about the activities of community service that I am involved in because they are few and far between and I would hate it if a curious wanderer would ever come across my blog and mis-understand that I am deeply involved in it.
This week I volunteered to distribute clothes for the needy with some of my office mates.The clothes and other items that were collected from the donations made by the company employees were sent to a school nearby where the principal(Lakshmi) there packed it neatly into parcels with each child's name attached to it.They were meant for two orphanages in Chennai.When we assembled at the common pickup point I was surprised to see our mail room boy Mark there.Mark is an ever smiling and hardworking guy and I am sure if he were to receive the education that people like me received he would have been places.
The principal Lakshmi (who is completely immersed in social service) joined us in the visit.She must be around 50 years and as energetic as a 15 year old.We made an odd motley group with a project manager,a mail room boy,a principal and a few software engineers like me.
The orphanages that we visited were in really bad shape especially the second one where there must have been at least 35 children cramped into three small rooms.The single fan in the building was in the reception where we were met by the founder.When it was time for us to leave he and some of the children folded their arms in gratitude...I felt so small:)
At times I really regret not knowing Tamil.I would have loved to converse with these people,especially the founder and the children, but also at times I think it is a blessing in disguise.I can afford to remain ignorant of the existential crises they face in their pursuit of happiness and sleep peacefully.

PS: Names here have been changed.

Weird/Funny articles

Read three weird/funny articles in the papers recently.

1)A female shark managed to reproduce without mating.Seems it is pretty normal and there is even have a name for it Parthenogenesis.

2)A german man fell off the second storey balcony while trying to outspit his 12 year old son in a spitting contest

3)There is a hen turning into a cock in some part of Eastern India

Life in a metro

Back from watching Life in a Metro.Wouldn't call it a disaster.Disaster is something I would reserve for a movie called Namestay London, after which i suffered uncontrollable diarrhea for a week.LIAM would come pretty close to achieving that dubious distinction.
After hearing unreserved praises for LIAM and with my inability to find tickets during the weekends I decided to make a dash for it today.Booked the tickets for the 10 pm show and today also being the last day before the mandatory helmet rule being enforced in Chennai I had to stuff my head into one of those contraptions before leaving.
On reaching Satyam I saw a red carpet rolled out and flashes popping and I was thinking this movie must really rock.It was only when I produced my ticket was I to know that the red carpet was rolled out for Pirates of the Caribbean,rest of the moviegoers were supposed to slink into their respective halls in ignomity.
Characters in LIAM do everything what people in a metro should not be doing like married women chasing divorced men,married bosses having dalliances with unmarried subordinates,nonagenarians having sex etc etc.First half was bearable with some pretty good music,attempted suicides,gays getting busted and by the time its the interval you come to terms with the fact that there is no real story but more of attempts to shock and awe with instances of moral corruption but you still hold hopes that there might be better in store.
Second half was torture with a failed love scene between Shilpa Shetty and her paramour which invited catcalls from the delinquents seated in front of me.There was also a successful love making scene between 120 years old Dharmendra and 102 years old Nafisa Ali which will surely haunt me for the rest of my life.(where are these censor boards when you need them).Dharmpaaji also decides to announce,for a whole minute,that he made a mistake in leaving hot and happening Nafisa Ali, a century back,to pursue his dreams.More madness follows and I am clawing at my seat begging for redemption.
Finally the cast of characters flashes, and I leave for home at the highest speed I could attain.

A Psalm of Life

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream! —
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.
Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, — act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Faces of the leader

The chief minister of Tamil Nadu fathered Stalin. Nope. I am not talking about the Russian who sent millions of his countrymen to the gulags but not quite unlike his namesake Stalin knows how to make his presence felt. There must be around a million cutouts, hoardings, posters of him in Chennai. We have Stalin grinning, smiling, and frowning in his spotless white shirt and dhothi at every major and non major junction. He vies for advertising space with the likes of Abhishek, Sharukh, Asin, Trisha and Rajnikant and beats them hands down. Education must be very dear to him as there are many hoardings of Stalin receiving a degree. And from the looks of it a multiple degree holder as he is receiving a degree from different people.

Now that his dad is about to complete 50 years as a legislator there are now another million cutouts of Karunanithi.Both father and son are now getting more eyeball hits per hour than any other filmy/political figure in Tamil Nadu.

What I have observed is that whatever be the posture these two have the same
expression on their face. Let me name it the leadership expression, LE for short.
LE's are of two types, one is in which the protagonist appears to be looking far away into the future with a troubled expression on his face as if he just peeped into the crystal ball and saw an onslaught of mighty troubles on his people. The other is one in which he is much more relaxed appearing, to enjoy a quiet chuckle with himself as if the crystal ball just told him that happier times are in store for his people.

These LE's make themselves available at any point of time in their daily lives so even if we have a hoarding of Stalin adjusting his dhothi we get to see an LE on his face. These LE's start appearing very early in the career of a politician as is evident with the cutouts of a young, cherubic Karunanithi lit up with a 1000 watt LE.

So it makes me wonder what if I join politics at some point of time and I become a great leader. What if my followers ask me to give them LE snaps of my youth?
The types of snaps I have around with me are of me staring hungrily at a muffin, me washing dishes, me playing gully cricket. Not quite LE material.

The only times that I have LE's are in office where I can’t carry a camera. For example when my manager comes to have a word with me and I am thinking 'You know I am not listening to you so let me entertain myself by examining my reflection in your bald pate' or when I am in the break out area having coffee by myself where I carry a serene expression suggesting that I am thinking about world peace whereas I am thinking about much more earthly issues like ‘Will she slap me if I propose to her’ ‘Should I ask boss for a raise’ ‘What would happen if I added some tea to my cofee’.So many LE’s gone down the drain.

I just noticed that I have an LE right now while composing this post. Lemme call someone to take a snap before the moment passes away:-)

Yet another marriage in Chennai...

but this time I was not invited :p.Saurabh aka Dallah(pimp,hustler in English)was down to attend the marriage of a college friend(Dallah is from NIT Trichi btw).The boy's folks were against the marriage, hence the couple decided to elope.
To bolster the baarath party all his friends, including Dallah streamed down,at short notice.
Expectedly the first thing Dallah asks for when he lands down on a hot chennai afternoon is not water or lunch but a round of beers at the bar.I would have prefferd something solid but at the moment I was starving and even beer looked heavenly.
While we tottered along on my mobike,some snippets of our conversation:
Dallah:"..the girl was not worth fighting with your parents for.."
Me:"..love is blind dude.."
Dallah:"yea"

Dallah:"Do u know K is getting married to U"
Me:"..Dont tell me!.."
(K marrying U would be a love story right out of the movies.K and U were working in the same project and one night the cab dropping them met with an accident.Both K and U were hospitalised and once released from hospital were romantically involved.)
Dallah"..both parents have given their blessings.."

While at the bar we gup shupped about careers and his life as an MBA student.
After downing a few beers and under a cloud of cigarette smoke:

Dallah:"..u know something.."
Me:"..temme.."
Dallah:" i saw a girl for marriage"(silly giggle)
Me"..dog..#@!$#$..!#$#$#$"
Me " how did it go"
Dallah"shes awesome..we decided to wait for 1 year..will be in touch till then.."

Umm marriage flood gates seem to have opened.But why get married when its so much fun being single.Thats my logic,at least for now :p

A Marriage in Chennai

Was whisked away by Sumod to attend a marriage of his classmate last Saturday. Not an entirely appetizing thought having covered nearly 60 km’s on the same day, on bike, under the sweltering sun. Wearily I took my seat while waiting for the proceedings to begin. Weariness soon gave away to gloom when I discovered that the service would be in Tamil. Accusatory looks from me were met with dubious pleas of ignorance from Sumod.
Faced with a bleak outlook I began to absorb my surroundings. Of particular interest was the huge golden falcon statue in the middle of the church. Never remember seeing one like it in a church before. Standing on its pedestal, with wings stretched out and a determined gaze riveted on the exit, it seemed to share my predicament.
Right in front of me were a bald old man and his identical looking son sans the polished pate. Both were dressed in blue suits and wore earphones.
I remember attending a marriage when I was a kid and the speaker spoke something which went like “Every member of the congregation thinks of ones own marriage while attending a marriage”. I don’t know whether it was a truth reserved exclusively for married couples but it’s a thought which always manages to sneak its way in. This time with the uninspiring proceedings even the honeymoon package made its way in. My reverie was broken when the master of ceremony interspersed his speech with a few words in English. ”Marriage is a road filled with pitfalls, misunderstandings..blah blah”..” Before her marriage a woman expects a man, during her marriage a woman suspects a man and after her marriage a woman respects a man”. (I almost said Wah Wah :-)).
I presume that the rest of the sermon was not that ominous, else we would have had a runaway bride situation.
Finally the proceedings drew to a close with some confetti throwing. My confetti unfortunately never made it past the bald dude.

Re: [ NITC Global ] [whole story] Fact about SFI dispute....

Popped into my lesser inspected email id's to find my inbox crammed with mails about a recent dispute between the SFI and the NIT junta.Apparently the SFI folks were miffed with the authorities for tossing them out of the campus.Retaliation by SFI was severe with the Administrative Block(AB for most)being stoned and the water supply cut off.
Seldom does a batch pass through NIT Calicut without witnessing a day in which the NIT junta transport themselves to the stone age.Even the Gods fear the day when the mallu rolls up his lungi and the northie stamps out his cigarette for hell hath no fury as a NITCian on the rampage.
It was my third year in college and the day was the festival of colours,Holi.The day began in gentlemanly fashion with hostelites colouring each other,tearing each others clothes,borrowing the gardening hose to spray bystanders and taking a dip in a defunct tank which is dry throughout the year but miraculously fills up on Holi.Curiously with such a wide range of colours being used most revellers end up looking pink.With all those pink beings roaming around and torn garments strewn on freshly paved roads,the unenlightened would be forgiven to conclude an invasion by aliens.
As is customary, male hostelites left for their annual pilgrimage to the Ladies Hostel(LH for most) to spread the message of Holi, which usually culminates in a dancing frenzy accompanied by drum beating on buckets in front of the LH gate.LH being out of bounds for the males is a safe vantage point for the ladies to enjoy the spectacle.Unfortunately one female was rather unlucky to have been caught outside the safe premises of the LH and was molested.

Now it so happened that this female was a mallu,belonged to the final year and was extremely popular in her batch.The combination couldn't have been worse.Final year mallu students were naturally outraged and considered it their duty to dispense justice in whatever manner they sought appropriate.They came to the conclusion that the second year northies were to blame and bashed up a few of them in their hostel.

Lying low is not an option in a college where groupism is rampant.To save face it was important for the northies to strike back.Planning started in full swing.Sports goods like stumps and bats were amassed,word was spread to sympathisers in various hostels and the plan was crystallised.The attack on the final year mallu hostel(F` for most)took place right after dinner.Luckily someone managed to close the gate of the F' hostel in time but a few unlucky souls still got hammered.The northies managed to break up a few glass panes and a compound wall before they finally dispersed.The following morning the entire second year batch was suspended.

Glad to see that the art of war is still a part of the curriculum.Changing the world can be left to lesser mortals.